Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
