found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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