We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
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