Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
