her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
