I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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