her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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