problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
