We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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