he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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