babies were throwing up all over the place
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
