so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
