Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
