If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
