If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
