I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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