hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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