I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
