i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
