Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
