yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
