Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
