so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
