At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
We smell like vodka and hangover
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
