someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
do nipples grow back?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
