you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
