Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
