I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
