3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
