I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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