You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
