R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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