It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
