i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
