Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
