When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
