If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
