Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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