So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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