I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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