i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
