were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
