Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Come on in and take your pants off
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