how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
