I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
