My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
