Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
