Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
