First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
