How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
