I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
