god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
