i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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