Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
