I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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