Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
