Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Randomize
