Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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