Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
