I want to stick my p in your. b.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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