there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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