he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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