just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
